reflections

The force to grow

I stayed single and abstinent for almost half a year. I didn't date anybody, texted anybody nor made friends with any men. I needed that time. I really found out what it means to be alone. It was goddamn hard, but it is so worth it. I really found out what I want from life, from a man and how important God is to me. I concentrated on the relationship to God and he made me learn about myself so much.

I didn't date anybody, but I was still getting a lot of attention by men. I am the type of woman men see when I walk into a room. The type of woman other women are jealous of, because I am beautiful, confident, sexy and even a kind person. Since I was alone, I hated all of that. I hated that men would always look at me like an object. I hated that they would hit on me. I hated that all I would hear is "your eyes, your face, your body is so beautiful". I know that and of course I appreciate compliments, but what about my personality? I am a good person and guys should love that about me, too. I did understand that all men not meant for me will never understand that, but I felt so misunderstood and liked for the wrong reasons.

I got really, really, really tired. The most annoying thing a guy said was at the gym one day. I was working out and he came by to give me his phone number. I told him that it was nice of him ,but I wasn't interested. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and that he's never seen a woman like me before..blablabla. Then again, I told him no and he said "I love you". Ooooooh my! I can't believe he just did that. I was so mad. He used those words so easily..I was yearning to hear that from a man, who really means it and that ASSHOLE just used that to hook up with me. That was the absolute punch in my face.

I went home and really thought that this couldn't be it. I couldn't believe people got so dumb and manipulated other people with love. Love to me was the highest and most precious gift given by God. I didn't care what non-believers said, but I knew there was a guy out there who served the Lord and would be able to love me the right way. I just had to wait longer, I guessed.

So a couple of days later at work a guy I've only noticed shortly when I started working at that place, asked me, if he could talk to me for a second. I was surprised but said yes. So he walked me to the bus station and while going downstairs my mind was like "what the hell is he going to say? "Nice ass? Can we fuck?" .. He asked me questions like where I was from, my age and if I had a boyfriend. I said no and then he just super politely asked me if I wanted to go out with him. I was so so so so so positively surprised that I had to say yes right away. I felt something really warm around my heart and for an instant I thought "he is the one". God provided!! I was really happy, but didn't know if he was even religious, which was really important to me.

So I thought THIS IS IT. No doubt, just try to do everything right. On our first date, I totally fucked up..

to be continued.. Until then: Stay blessed. xoxo, Jaky

8.4.16 12:04

Letzte Einträge: Mr. Perfect, and then God started using me..., old patterns, On the right track??!

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